Glitch

Okay so...not so much on getting the straw yet. I will though I swear!

Tonight I just kinda need to get this off my chest. Five years. It has been five years since I held my sons, baptized them, sung to them and said goodbye forever. Five years. It has been five years since I tried to take my own life and leave behind a husband, son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother...you get the idea. Five years can really change a person. I am so very happy these days. Yes, I miss my boys. I think sometimes the missing them intensifies with time while the grief dissipates. I want so much to see them with Elisabeth and Kyle it hurts. I watch Kyle play with Ryan and Rudy and my hearts breaks a little. I listen to Elisabeth call Alianna her adopted sister and know that I will never again feel life inside me. I will never again hold my own newborn child. It hurts. BUT! I am home for my children, I get to enjoy my weekends, I am in school, I am looking to be a teacher in the future, I am more in love with my husband then ever before. I am happy. I am truly happy. I am amazed at how far I have come in these five years. I hope someday I am able to use the past to help others. I am one lucky lady. Thank you Lord for second chances and for blessing me with the most fantastic family and friends. Thank you!