Good news!

The surgeon spoke out of turn. I am sure he panicked a bit when opened ma and saw so much cancer. However, the oncologist is much more optomistic and the cancer is NOT ovarian. The cancer is stage 4 metastatic colon cancer. This is still bad, of course, but SO much better than the outcome that advanced ovarian cancer would have brought. We could have years instead of mere months and that is incredibly good news!!

On another note, I saw a whole new set of numbers this morning! 139. 1 3 9!!! I haven't seen those numbers in 10 years and that only lasted a short time. I am determined and really looking forward to 135. I got a lump in my throat when I saw that number this morning.

2 weeks until I am on a cruise ship. 2 piece - here I come. And we don't have to spend 9 days worrying about ma. What could be better!?!

Crappy McCrap Crap

Well, I guess this is now going to be where I voice my feelings about my mother in law. Nope, not the typical my mother in law is evil or overbearing or intrusive or any of the other typical mother in law posts. These posts will serve as a record of medical facts and my feelings as well as the reaction of my children and things they say. Friday, May 20th, Shari was diagnosed with ovarian cancer that has spread through the ovaries, through the apendics, through the colon and into the stomach. The tumors are so large the surgeon did not even attempt a removal. They took out the colon tumor so that she can have bowel function and that is all. With the huge size of the tumors, we know it is stage 4. Grade is yet to be determined. We told the kids last night. Kyle cried, a lot, and Elisabeth cried but did not really comprehend. We will not lie to them about the details if asked. They know she has cancer and that she is going to die. They also know that every person put on this earth is going to die and none of us knows when or how. The fact that we have some warning with Grandma Dirt means that the time we have left needs to be all the more memorable and special. Kyle wants to go on the white water rafting trip Grandma has been talking about for years and Elisabeth wants to go on the balloon ride. We will see. Elisabeth called Grandma this morning to tell her how much she loved the Flat Stanley project and that she lost another tooth. I talked to her and she is planning on starting chemo in four weeks. We will see. I am anxious to get the test results back!!!

6 year angelversary

Well, I really just don't feel like doing a whole formal post. I am extra emotional today with the death of my grandfather and the effect it has on my mom. I am simply going to post the edited video of the ultrasound.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tTXVapH4r0

If anyone should happen to read this, please do not share the link on any facebook pages. I have kept this private because most of my loved ones did not even know I was pregnant much less with twins and it just makes people feel bad. I do not want that. I want to help others move forward and grieve in a positive way. This is not about me and sharing the link would make it less special.

Thank you!
Gina

Change

I can finally see it! Small, but significant changes in my body. Hooray! I saw 141 last week!! It didn't last long but it was there and I am chasing it down now! OMG! I really am going to meet this goal. So exciting. Now, I need to work on TONE. I never have had good tone. Even as a slim high school girl, I never had good tone. I must find a way to shape what I've got.

On a sad note, my grandfather died this morning. Michael and Brendan will be gone for six years on Thursday, and my kids are big enough to ride their bikes to school.

Change - I love it and I hate it.

SO EXCITED

I have exactly 30 days until I board the ship to Bermuda! I am at 143 solid. I would love to loose another 5 pounds. Would love it! But, I think that may be just too much to ask for. I WILL be 135 by my birthday though!! Oh yes, I will!

Faces of Loss - Writer's Challenge

This month, Faces of Loss is hosting a blog challenge. The challenge - 'What Mother's Day Means to You'. So many things come to mind when I think about that question. The very first thought was how awesome my mom is. How very lucky I am to have a mom that cares and has cared all of my life through every tiny step and every little struggle, my mom has cared and has loved us with every fiber of her being.

My second thought was for all the moms out there who have to mother a mystery. These are women who prayed for, longed for and wanted to mother a child but were not given the chance. Women who are no longer able to mother all of their children, women who have tried everything and still can't even get pregnant, so many women that want so badly to celebrate Mother's day with a child in their arms, that can't. These women are mothering a mystery because they don't have their children here with them. Some have memories, some only have dreams, but all are missing something.

Then I think of my own family. What I would do to mother all of my children for just one day. What I would do to let Kyle give his brothers one more piggy back ride before bed. What I would do to watch Elisabeth make them a card and include them in her family drawings. What I would do to take just one photo of all my children on my lap. But I too mother a mystery. These dreams will have to wait until we are reunited in heaven. These dreams will all be fulfilled and more when we are together for eternity.

Then I think about what a fantastic life I have. What a gift my children are. How Elisabeth has an energy that is elecrifying and Kyle has enough personality for three or four people. I am so blessed and I will never take my life for granted. Maybe my Mother's Day is not what I would dream of, my Mother's day is really much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

If you are struggling this Mother's Day, my prayers and thoughts are with you.